Genre: Absurd Sci-fi funny fiction
I’ve been roaming this universe searching for the answer, the answer to humanity’s most dreadful question. Now more than ever, I felt close. Since my departure, nearly one minute has passed on Earth, but I have aged forty years. I kept a picture of my family in the cockpit, a reminder of why I took on this mission. Only five other eggstronauts volunteered on separate excursions, our chances were very slim. I hoped my daughter would forgive me one day, I hoped she would understand why I left, but most of all, I hoped that because of me she would get to live a full life and prosper. As to my dear Jake… Oh how I missed his gentle touch.
I was approaching sector Quasinub of the Nawiba core. According to my last findings, the cell I sought could be orbiting the Chamassi mega head. I deployed the sniffers into the outer liquid and sent them seeking. No matter the countless times I have waited for a sign, the anxiousness never seemed to cease. Could this be it, I kept hoping, the end of my lonely mission?
As I drifted away in my thoughts, consumed by all the yellowness surrounding the ship, a beeping sound startled me. The monitor in front of me flashed green, and the words I’ve been so desperate to read, appeared on the screen “Positive trace detected.”
One of the sniffers finally caught something! I retraced the signal and set the course for what should be the Hans cell, named after renowned scientist Dr. Hans Shickling. In the distance, I could finally see it, an orange cell with red streaks running along its surface. The ship rattled and shook violently as it pierced through the Hans membrane, but with the shields up and the thrusters fully operational, I was bound to land safely. Something, however, went wrong.
A loud explosion sounded at the back of the ship, sending it flipping frantically. Red lights and warnings flashed through all the screens, the cockpit tore open, and all emergency systems malfunctioned. I gasped for air as yellow liquid drenched my uniform, nothing in my training prepared me for this impossible scenario. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and braced for impact.
I woke up submerged in embryonic liquid in a translucent egg, a suspension chamber of some sort within a large room. I could breathe normally through the liquid, my body was intact, but how? I banged on the surface of the egg but it wouldn’t budge, I screamed from the top of my lungs, but the only noise I heard was in my head. Then, they finally came.
Two sharp claws first stepped into the large room. More kept coming surrounding my shell. Long Jurassic legs holding fat bodies, necks jerking, and heads bobbling. A sharp beak pecked at my egg cracking it open, and as I fell to the floor with the spilling liquid, more huge beaks came down poking at my body, digging into my flesh, severing my arm. The pain was unbearable, but whether my suffocating lungs or the blood gushing from my arm socket caused me to go unconscious I could not tell.
“Speak, bakbak thing.”
A giant chicken stood before me. I was back inside a modified shell, breathing again, surrounded by lesser chickens in white gowns, an assembly of some sort. The pain was gone, but to my horror, my severed arm was replaced with a wing flapping at my side. Dr. Shickling’s theory was right after all. There was a whole universe within an egg, and thanks to him, I could understand the language they spoke, some of it at least.
“Great honorable chicken.”
“What bakbak brings you bakbak?”
“I have come on behalf of humanity seeking your wisdom.”
“Bakbak speak.”
“My world is in dismay, people have been divided, wars have been waged, and humanity is at the brink of doom!”
“Bakbak speak bakbak!”
“I have come to ask you the question that has been tormenting us.”
“Bakik bak speak!”
“You hold the answer honorable chicken, you must hold the answer!”
The chickens surrounding me started flapping their wings, all yelling at once “bak bak speak bak bak speak.” My whole body shivered, my wing flapped erratically, my fingers twitched.
I was scared. What if they did not know the answer? What if Dr. Shickling was wrong? What if they weren’t an advanced species? They were tiny beings confined in this egg yolk after all. But I had to ask, I had to get it over with once and for all.
“Honorable chicken, the question humanity has been struggling with…”
“Speak bakik.”
“The question is, which came first, the egg or the chicken?”
It has been three minutes on Earth since my mission first started. My body has all been replaced now. I’m not aging the same anymore, I can breathe without a shell, and besides the sudden twitches in my neck, my 300 degrees vision, and my wobbly steps, I must say I acclimated pretty well to this new environment. I have finally finished fixing the coms unit on my wrecked ship. There was no going back for me, the shrinking was irreversible. It has always been a one way trip. The battery was designed to hold enough surge to get one message through to the outer world. Today, that message was to be broadcasted, one single word, the answer to humanity’s question, putting an end to the never ending conflict. At last bloodshed would stop, and my family could live in a peaceful world.
In the great world room, elite leaders and notable celebrity figures gathered around a large screen awaiting the broadcast. Everyone sat at the end of their seats, anxiously watching, waiting for the answer. The screen blinked once, then twice, and static appeared. Murmurs, excitement, and cries of joy could be heard in the final moments of anticipation. At last, large bold letters formed across the screen:
“BAKBAKBAKIK”